Weird Al Yankovic – “Gump”

This is the life I wanted

When: Evening of March 29, 1998
Where: The TV room
Who: Nobody
Weather: Unknown

I was always jealous of kids on TV. Their schools were in one building. They had snow days, and occasionally lockers, no dress code, and they solved mysteries. I was really missing out.

At my school, everyone who was anyone wanted to be a on the Peace Patrol. They had cool nylon jackets and visors, and they called people out. Everybody tattled constantly, but the oft-mean-but-inexplicably-beloved vice principal Mrs. Hoyt would actually listen if you were on the peace patrol. And it was a lot harder for people to push you around. When you were in that little club, you had all the power.

I had all of this in mind when Disney showed the new movie Safety Patrol on ABC’s Wonderful World of Disney, featuring an as-himself performance by Weird Al. I didn’t really care what the movie was about; all I wanted was that sweet, sweet windbreaker. Don Benito later added a Safety Patrol, which was not as cool, but in retrospect had the added perk of being allowed to wear red. Our school district banned red because Pasadena was a Crips town all the way.

Next: Mark McGwire conquers the world.

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